Perfectionism

Friday, 14 November 2008 10:14

How do you teach a child that it’s ok to fail, as long as you try?

Sam is very good with numbers and maths - he knows he usually gets the answers right, but now he doesn't want to try to do things that he might not be good at.

Here are examples of things I notice:

• Tossing coins - Sam won't play ‘heads or tails' because there is a 50% chance that he might get the answer wrong.

• Calculators - Sam knows the calculator gives him exact, correct answers. Lately, he doesn't want to add up even simple numbers like 2+2 unless he has a calculator. I took (forced?) his calculator away from him last night, and it sent him into a fit of tears.

Sometimes he seems to not want to try games, physical sports or other endeavours where he may not be perfect. And if I "over-encourage him" to have a go, it can turn into a contest of wills - me encouraging him, Sam determined to NOT do the activity.

When he gets things right, I praise getting the activity right, rather than Sam himself. I'm not sure whether his close circle of family always remembers this distinction, and perhaps we have caused part of the problem.

So I show him how I get things wrong (this may actually be a bad idea that ends up backfiring somewhere?). I try to talk to him about improvements coming from practice. And I make him repeat after me that 'sometimes we get it right, sometimes we get it wrong, it's ok, as long as you try' ....although this feels like a very blunt way of doing things....