If your child is different, do you lose friends?

Tuesday, 01 July 2008 09:42

Is there an optimal way to manage communication - particularly with valued friends who have children the same age  - when they discover that your child is different ...... say educationally advanced or skipping years at school ?

I have been thinking quite a bit about this. I don't go out of my way to mention Sam's differences. But there are times when Sam's passions become unavoidably evident. When friends come over to play, my 3 year old has toys like Maths dictionaries and workbooks for Year 2 and Year 3 laying around (and other kids toys like trains, cars, etc). A simple walk with another parent friend and her child can turn into Sam skipping along... counting in multiples of 5.....

Some people see the maths textbooks and posters - and then tut tut as if I am a bad mother. I must be forcing him to study at too young an age....  Society, as a generalisation, seems to find it difficult to believe that a child can voluntarily love maths, in much the same way as playing ball.

Sometimes I try to ensure that I try to talk about the areas their children are good at - but this can be a double edged sword. I've had parents who then go out of their way to dwell on Sam's relative ‘weak areas' - particularly by referencing how relatively advanced their own children are. Over time, some friends drift away.

I find this sad, particularly with old friends that I value.

A mum of a boy who skipped Year 1 and who is even so in older classes for most subjects, said to me: "We lost friends along the way. We decided the best thing was to be straight about our child's difference and deal with it. ......but we have also made new friends."

I think I agree with her. I won't go out of my way to talk about Sam's passions, but I won't hide them either. This sends the wrong message to Sam.  ((Maybe I need a well thought out 1 pager to give friends that educates and informs them!))